July 4, 2011

This isn't normal

I've been contemplating this post all day.  I share a lot on here but not everything.  It's hard for me to admit some things to myself never mind anyone else but I think I need to do something about this now.  I've suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember so that is nothing new for me but I've been noticing a pattern the past few months and it concerns me a little.  I have tried to avoid it, push it aside because I have a lot of other, worse problems right now but today it's bad.  I have noticed that the days before I get my period and the first day or 2 of my period I have been really depressed.  It's kind of embarrassing for me to admit because I don't want people to think I'm crazy, I don't want to be crazy.  I get upset about the littlest things that trigger me to think about other things that bug me and I dwell on it.  I often feel that my life is pointless, I'm broken.  Emotionally and physically.  I'm a bitch.  I don't mean to be I just am.  I don't trust anyone and I feel like people in my life really don't like me.  I wonder why I'm the way I am and what's the point of it all?  Let me give you an example of my craziness. This is what happened today:
My mother and her boyfriend said they were making a trip into town to go to Wal-Mart to get a boat battery and some stuff for the BBQ tomorrow and they would be back in a few hours. I was fine with that, I wasn't feeling that good--kinda crampy so I was going to hang out in my room. Well, my mom returns a few hours later with the items from Wal-Mart and also two to-go boxes from a restaurant. I instantly was angry.  I didn't yell or anything but I went off on my mom about how she never thinks of me when she goes out with her boyfriend and she knew I wasn't feeling good and there was no food in the house and she didn't think of me. Yada yada yada. And then I continued to get upset about how were having a BBQ tomorrow. It seems like we are constantly having people over lately and so I wasn't happy about that and started to say I was going to stay in my room, I didn't want to see anyone.  My mom said "Don't be like that, just take your medicine.." and I snapped with "It has nothing to do with my medicine I just want to be ALONE.".  My mom knows I'm not feeling well with having Endometriosis so she definitely cuts me a lot of slack.  She told me she hoped I felt better and to go lay down.  It was the most ridiculous situation, I was literally on the verge of tears all because my mom didn't bring me home food. That is just not normal. I felt like such a psycho!  After that I took my meds to relax and ended up taking a nap. When I got up my mom and Carl were headed out in the boat to watch the fireworks on the lake so I decided to take a drive into town and get some french fries,  I was having a craving.  On my ride I started thinking more upsetting thoughts. About how no wonder Cain and I didn't work out, it's all my fault. I'm the one who changed.  Or like, no wonder some of my friends have been avoiding me, I wouldn't want to be my friend either. I have so many issues I can hardly handle them, how can I expect anyone else to? I just don't know whats wrong with me.  I'm so lonely but it's mostly my fault. I have a lot of people I really love in my life but I always just want to be alone.  I just feel like I don't connect with anyone, no one understands me.  I'm not the same person I used to be and so when I get with my old friends it feels weird. I feel so out of place.  I hate feeling like this, I shouldn't feel like this.  So what do I do? Do I go to my regular doctor or my lady doctor? Does anyone else feel depressed before or during their periods, if so how do you cope?  Below I've listed some interesting things I found online about PMS and your emotions.


Emotional Symptoms
·         Depression. Severe depression before menstruation, called premenstrual dysphoric disorder, occurs in about 5% of women with PMS.
·         Anxiety and panic attacks.
·         Insomnia.
·         Change in sexual interest and desire. (Although some women lose interest, others have a heightened drive.)
·         Irritability.
·         Hostility and outbursts of anger. In severe cases, violence toward self and others.
·         Paranoia.
·         Increased appetite often with specific food cravings (especially salt and sugar).
·         Delusions and hallucinations. (These symptoms are very rare and most likely caused by an accompanying psychologic disorder).
Behavioral and Mental Symptoms
·         Mood swings. (Although angry outburst or negative emotions are common, some women experience very positive bursts of creative energy before a period.)
·         dysphoric disorder and women without these syndromes during the premenstrual stage.)
·         Withdrawal from other people.
·         Confusion.
·         Being accident prone.
·         Lethargy and fatigue.
Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), also called late-luteal dysphoric disorder, is a condition marked by severe depression, irritability, and tension before menstruation. Studies in Europe and the US estimate that PMDD affects between 3% and 8% of women in their reproductive years. PMDD has features of both anxiety and depression disorders, although increasingly experts believe it is a distinct disorder with specific biochemical actions.
Diagnostic Criteria. Symptoms must occur during the last week of the premenstrual (luteal) phase in most menstrual cycles. They should resolve within a few days after the period starts.
Five or more of the following symptoms must be present:
·         Feeling of sadness or hopelessness, possible suicidal thoughts.
·         Feelings of tension or anxiety. (Panic attacks, in fact, may be much more common in patients with PMDD than in the general population.)
·         Mood swings marked by periods of teariness.
·         Persistent irritability or anger that affects other people.
·         Disinterest in daily activities and relationships.
·         Trouble concentrating.
·         Fatigue or low energy.
·         Food cravings or bingeing.
·         Sleep disturbances.
·         Feeling out of control.
Physical symptoms, such as bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, and joint or muscle pain.

No comments:

Post a Comment