I'm at it again!

It's that time again.. every so often I sell some items on eBay and today I have (so far) listed 11 items. 
Right now it is just books and DVD's but soon I will probably be selling some more video games and possibly some more TV show seasons. Maybe even some jewelry, I haven't decided yet! 
Anyway, check out what I have on sale now-- you might like it!  http://www.ebay.com/usr/melissar04


Until next time,
Melissa

My Experience with Endometriosis

I was visiting a fellow Endo Sister's blog,  Journey With Endometriosis (which is great BTW, check it out!) when I found a post I found to be really interesting: 30 Things About Living with Endometriosis You May Not Know.
It is a survey with questions regarding Endo and you share your experiences. I thought it was cool because I like to see the thoughts of others with Endo.. to see our similarities and our differences. Since Endometriosis is so complex and so much is still unknown its hard to diagnose. No one person with Endometriosis has the same symptoms as someone else. After reading her answers I decided I would post the survey myself and fill it out.  Let me know what you think!

30 Things About Living with Endometriosis You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: 

I'm just going to go with EndoJourney's answer because it is the same: Endometriosis. It's when the lining of the uterus is implanted outside of the uterus, for reasons unknown to the doctors and researchers. Every month during your cycle, these implants also bleed but with no exit, creating internal bleeding and a bruise inside your body. Over time these implants can turn into scar tissue, damage organs and cause infertility.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 

2011

3. But had symptoms since:

1998

4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is:

Adjusting to a new way of life. I never had restrictions, limits, as far as the foods I ate, the amount or effort of exercise I did,  so it's hard to get into that new groove of having to restrict myself.

5. Most people assume: 

Endometriosis is just really bad period cramps. I actually had someone say to me, when I told them I had Endometriosis, "Isn't that just, like, bad cramps?". So badly did I want to slap the ignorance out of the person but I politely smiled and said "Oh, no. It is much more than that".  People don't realize their are other side effects of Endo besides pain.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: 

Going to the bathroom. It is always painful, even more so when I have my period.

7. My favourite medical tv show is: 

House

8. A gadget I couldn't live without is: 

My laptop. I can sit in my bed with my laptop so when I'm having a bad "Endo day" and cant sleep, at least I have something close by I can grab and do stuff on.

9. The hardest part about nights are: 

Sleeping in general is hard for me, especially if I'm on my period. The days I have my period I swear I don't sleep, I toss and turn all night long. Other nights I just wake up frequently.

10. Each day I take 6 pills and vitamins (no comments, please): 

6 is like a regular day, if I am having a lot of pain and nausea, its more than that. I hate it but when I don't take my medication my symptoms are so much worse.

11. Regarding alternative treatment I: 

I've tried so many things and nothing seems to really do much so I have kind of given up hope at this moment of something alternative. I'll stick with the plan I've got, for now.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible or visible illness I would choose: 

EndoJourney quoted this person and I will do the same:

To quote a new endometriosis friend: "Invisible. As much as I hate the frustration and the isolation of an invisible illness at least I look good because if I looked the way I feel, I would scare you."

13. Regarding working and career: 

Work has been hard for the past few years. I started to get really ill in 2010 and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I missed a lot of work because I would be throwing up a lot, fainting from the pain. I lived 45 minutes from my job so driving there while feeling faint, not a good idea.

14. People would be surprised to know: 

How much endometriosis affects your entire life. Your relationships, self-confidence, hope. So many things are affected and really takes a toll on you emotionally.

15. The hardest thing I've had to accept about my new reality has been: 

I may not be able to have children. I don't know for sure, I've never tried. But, it's possible. A lot of women with Endo have fertility problems. I am SO scared and am hoping I can have a baby of my own some day.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: 

Find others who understand what I'm going through. No one in my "real life" really understands, they try but it's just not the same as someone else who suffers with you. I found a strong support system of women on Twitter-Endo Sisters and I also started a Facebook Page, Endo Sisters Unite

17. The commercials about my illness: 

EndoJourney was right on with this answer: 

Do not exist. It's so frustrating about how little information there is and how few discussions there are on this apparently common illness!

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed: 

Going out whenever, wherever and not having to worry about "Am I going to start feeling pain soon, am I going to throw up if I have a drink?". I never had to worry about these things before.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: 
My social life. I miss out on a lot because of this illness.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: 
 
Blogging and Crafting.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal I would: 

Get all my girlfriends and go out dancing and drinking and have a fabulous girls night out!

22. My illness has taught me: 

Life isn't always fair. Life doesn't always make sense. I have to appreciate what I do have and that things could be a lot worse.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing that gets under my skin is: 

People who say "Maybe you just have a low pain tolerance" or people who try to push me to do things when I try to politely decline, I know my limits.

24. But I love it when people say: 

"I'm so sorry you have to go through this", "I may not understand from personal experience but I am here for you anyway". Many of my best friends have said this to me and it just makes me happy and realize why they are my best friends :)

25. My favourite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through the tough times is:


I don't have one in particular but let me give you my favorite of the week!

“... Whatever condition we are in, we must always do what we want to do, and if we want to go on a journey, then we must do so and not worry about our condition, even if it's the worst possible condition, because, if it is, we're finished anyway, whether we go on the journey or not, and it's better to die having made the journey we're been longing for than to be stifled by our longing.” ― Thomas Bernhard 

26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: 

Trust yourself. You know your body better than anyone. Research the illness and others experiences. Find support if not from family and friends but also other people who suffer, Endo Sisters as we like to call each other. Find a doctor who will listen to you and believe you and if you feel they aren't doing as much as they could, find someone else. Never take no for an answer if you feel something is wrong. You know yourself.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with illness is: 

The ignorance of others, lack of understanding. How much your life can change so quickly.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: 

A coworker brought me to the ER one day and stayed with me for hours until my mother could arrive. She had to hold my hair back while I vomited, she held my hand when they took blood. She was just there and that meant so much.

29. I'm involved in Endometriosis awareness month because:

I have endometriosis and I'm determined to make more people aware. It is more common than anyone realizes and there is so much more opportunity for awareness!

30. The fact that you read this makes me feel:

Happy. Thankful you took time to read about me and my problems. Interested in what you thought or got out of this. And hopeful that this was helpful to you, as when I read it for the first time, it helped me :)

Design Card Contest

Hey peeps!
One of my oldest friends is an aspiring artist (and very talented) and she is currently in the running for Designing a Greeting Card contest- please follow the link and vote #14- Elizabeth Barrett. This is a big opportunity for her and will help increase her exposure.
http://gcucommunity.com/2012/08/30/design-contest-all-or-nothing-v/

Below are some images of her artwork she not only draws but she designs tattoos and does photography.

Tattoo design

Liz's self portrait collage for one of her classes

For her niece, Penny.

This is her boyfriends car.

Photography of a cemetery in Portland, Maine.

One of our friends son passed away, Liz drew this for her.

Oooh look what I found!

I am super excited, I was just going through my computer- old folders and what not and I found some things I forgot about! These were exciting and/or meaningful moments for me so I wanted to re-share them :)

My question made it into Eonline's Kristin's Spoiler Chat!

Trevor Donovan from 90210 direct messaged me on twitter! Not tweeted, messaged- big diff LOL

The lady gaga sunglasses I made for my Halloween costume

4th grade lol enough said!

Baby me! I dont look too happy but I have a stuffed kitten in my pocket lol

Always thought this was a cool picture

High School friends <3

This is when I loved X-tina, and my hair!

If you're looking close enough you will see this is photo shopped LOL with my face and the faces of my friends for someones birthday gift :)

High School BFF's

When I was tan!

Dress like Vampire Diaries' Caroline, for less!

 So, I used to have another blog where all I blogged about were the latest TV shows I was watching, weekly updates, that kind of thing. Reminiscing of that old blog made me to decide to do this post.
 Well, if you didn't know already I am obsessed with The Vampire Diaries. I especially love Caroline. She started as a bitchy, high-maintenance teenage girl and is now one high-strung yet, bad-ass vampire. I think Caroline's fashion improved when she was turned as well. Here are some ways to get the "Caroline" look for less:

More Quotessss

If you couldn't tell from yesterday's post, I have been quite emotional. I am better today than yesterday but I can't shake this weird, anxious feeling. So, I am posting more quotes that relate to how I'm feeling or how I want to feel. Quotes about the future and change. You'll find out as soon as you read them soooo... DO IT :)


“And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened.” 
― Douglas Coupland, Life After God


“This is an important lesson to remember when you're having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year. Things will change: you won't feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most. I believe you can't feel real joy unless you've felt heartache. You can't have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail. You can't know what it's like to feel holy until you know what it's like to feel really fucking evil. And you can't be birthed again until you've died.” 
― Kelly Cutrone

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” 
― Haruki Murakami

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” 
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” 
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral's Kiss


“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” 
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

“We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change you're the one who has got to change.” 
― Katharine Hepburn 

“I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was. I think that's why she always struggled with God. And I think that's why she also struggled with love. She couldn't touch it. She couldn't hold on to it and make sure it never changed."


"Sometimes it's those things you can't touch that you need to hold on to the most.” 
― Carrie Ryan, The Dead-Tossed Waves

“You're always you, and that don't change, and you're always changing, and there's nothing you can do about it.” 
― Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book


“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” 
― Eckhart Tolle

“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” 
― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

“Right now I want a word that describes the feeling that you get--a cold sick feeling, deep down inside--when you know something is happening that will change you, and you don't want it to, but you can't stop it. And you know, for the first time, for the very first time, that there will now be a before and an after, a was and a will be. And that you will never again quite be the same person you were.” 
― Jennifer Donnelly, A Northern Light


“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I’m growing, and not stagnant or shrinking. 
” 
― Jarod Kintz

WTF is wrong with me

I have issues. ..

It has been 1 year and 5 months since Cain and I broke up. 5 months after we broke up I met Lucas, who I have been seeing off an on for the past year now. We aren’t serious because he is a lot younger than I am and still in college, 4 hours away from where I live.  We know it’s not realistic to try to have a relationship, not right now.  Anyway, during this whole year and half Cain has been single and not even meeting new girls. He was unemployed for a long time as well so I think that had a lot to do with it.  Anyway, I found Lucas and realized that Cain and I could never be together again. Not because Lucas and I are getting married or anything but because I realized what I want in a relationship and I know Cain can’t give me those things. Today was a strange day for me though; Cain told me he is dating someone and they are semi-serious.  I got really upset and jealous! It was ridiculous and I don’t understand it. I KNOW Cain and I can’t have the life that I want, we are too different and want different things and it just isn’t fair to either of us.  So why am I upset? I guess it just bothered me thinking of them…together. Thinking of him loving someone other than me and wondering why he didn’t love me enough to want to have children with me and get married. I know it’s foolish and just plain painful to think of these things but I can’t help it! I am so happy that he is happy, don’t get me wrong. He has been so unhappy for a long time that I am glad things are turning around for him, I guess I just wish we could have made it work.  I wish love was enough. We loved each other, a lot, but it just wasn’t enough.  It makes me angry to be honest! People are always saying “love conquers all” and yada yada but they lie! Love does not conquer all, in my opinion.  Everyone tells me it’s because Cain wasn’t “the one” and when I meet this mystery man some day, love will prevail.  FUCK THAT.  I loved Cain with all of my heart and it wasn’t enough. Why would god make me love someone so much if it was going to end this way? I’ll never understand it.

I don’t even understand myself right now! Ugh, I have so many emotions going through me I feel like I could explode.  I can’t even think straight. I am going to take some meds and try to get some sleep, I need to let this day and these feelings go and hope to wake up tomorrow a better me.

Until next time,

Melissa 

Craft-Junkie, that Funky-Junkie

Here I am again, this time not with quotes but, with crafts! 
Here are my latest projects:

Tree drawing

Tribal Eye

More pages to my "life" scrapbook

Saved my plane tickets to add to the book

Pictures from my photography class in high school that I took

Great way to save Birthday cards, add them to the binder. Loved this especially since my dad has passed, nice to look at whenever I want.

Friendship Bracelet holder with quote 

The bracelet slides right in, perfect for a gift!

I'm becoming the crazy cat lady

While I'm out of work (and desperately searching) I have become very bored and created Facebook Pages for both of my cats lol If you want to "like" my cats, here are the links: 

https://www.facebook.com/CaramelKittyRohner

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Oreo-Kitty-Bagdanovich-Desruisseaux/351876231559965

Anyway, after I did this I came upon this really cool article about cats and some stuff I didn't know!

The article is called 13 Things You Didn't Know About Your Cat by Readers Digest. I am going to highlight a few of my favorite points and leave the link below for you to check out the rest of the slideshow. 

• 1. Nose-to-nose greetings between cats are unusual, as it puts both in a vulnerable position. However, cats who know each other well but have been apart for a while feel safe enough to do this to confirm visual recognition and gain information about how the other cat is, where he has been and what he has been doing.  My cats do this all the time, I just thought they were..kissing lol
• 7. Like dogs, cats can also get sick or die from eating chocolate. Maybe this one is a no-brainer but for some reason, I didn't realize!
• 9. Cats blink and narrow their eyes when they accidentally make eye contact. To make friends with an unfamiliar cat, blink and look away when you catch his eyes. This is neat, next time I see a cat do this I am going to try it, haha!
• 13. If your cat appears to be able to tolerate heat very well this is because the ancestors of cats were originally desert-living animals. This explains a lot. It has been so hot lately and my cat, Caramel, has been laying out on the deck and doesn't want to move though you can clearly tell she is hot. 

For more interesting cat facts visit Readers Digest

Arts and Crafts

Here are some pictures of my most recent projects. They are works in progress!

Caramel, my cat, decided to help paint the birdhouse.

Hello Kitty stick puppet

Vampire Diaries-esque- V that I drew

The anti-possession tattoo Sam and Dean have in Supernatural :)

Theres also a girl, mermaid and my Endo Angel!

Facts I should have known, but didn't!

Being a "Mainer" for almost 20 years now you would think I would know mostly everything about the state of Maine. Well, here's a few things I learned today that I did not know:

• Maine sees the largest growth of blueberries in the nation. It remains to be the sole place which has the largest produce of blueberries grown either in the wild or cultivated specially. (I LOVE blueberries, how did I not know this?)

• Maine has the largest toothpick manufacturing plant in the entire of United States. This plant produces around 20 million toothpicks in a single day.

• Eastport, Maine is the most eastern city in the United States. The city is considered the first place in the United States to receive the rays of the morning sun.

• Maine's earliest inhabitants were descendants of Ice Age hunters.

• With a total area of 33,215 square miles the state covers nearly as many square miles as the other five New England states combined.

• Part of the movie "Jumanji" was filmed in North Berwick, ME  (I actually knew this fact because it was in my ex- boyfriends, grandmother's back yard!)

Just thought I'd share these random facts about the state I live in, hope you enjoyed! :)

Another lost day...more quotes

“She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.” 

― Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

“You think because he doesn't love you that you are worthless. You think that because he doesn't want you anymore that he is right -- that his judgement and opinion of you are correct. If he throws you out, then you are garbage. You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. Don't. It's a bad word, 'belong.' Especially when you put it with somebody you love. Love shouldn't be like that. Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain? They circle all around it; sometimes you can't even see the mountain for the clouds. But you know what? You go up top and what do you see? His head. The clouds never cover the head. His head pokes through, because the clouds let him; they don't wrap him up. They let him keep his head up high, free, with nothing to hide him or bind him. You can't own a human being. You can't lose what you don't own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don't, do you? And neither does he. You're turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can't value you more than you value yourself.” 

― Toni Morrison

“If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your heard even, you experience them fully and completely.” 

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” 

― Sigmund Freud

"Life is too cruel, if we cease to believe in love, then why do we live?"- Katerina, The Vampire Diaries

“I'm not sure this is a world I belong in anymore. I'm not sure that I want to wake up.” 

― Gayle Forman, If I Stay

“Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that's why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that's why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.” 

― Alysha Speer

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” 

― Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral's Kiss

“That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.” 

― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, 'There now, hang on, you'll get over it.' Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.” 

― Barbara Kingsolver, The Bean Trees

“I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off and your heart turns on.” 

― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

“A woman who is not happy with herself can never be happy for someone else." -Toyi Ward” 

― Kamryn Adams, Par for the Curse

I'm in a weird spot

I am in such a weird spot in my life right now. My emotions are everywhere, I am all over the place. I have so many thoughts going on inside my head I am driving myself insane.  I have been reading a lot of quotes lately and so I am going to post more, as I feel it helps me get my emotions out.  Tell me what you think of them!

"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."-Frank Crane

“Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker's reflection.” 

― Lady Gaga

“You see, you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too--even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.” 

― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie

"You can do the right thing with the right person but if it's the wrong time, everything gets twisted."-Drake

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.”-Juno

"You can never find the right person if you can't let go of the wrong one."-Unknown "Sometimes, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with - or without. Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down."- Janice Wong

Quotes

I'm baaaack. It's been a while, some hard stuff has been going on in my life and today was the hardest. I am not determined to turn things around, everything happens for a reason.
Anyway, I have been going through some quotes and here are some that I love:

"Hiding how you really feel and trying to make everyone happy doesn't make you nice, it just makes you a liar.” 
― Jenny O'Connell,


“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.” 
― Steve Maraboli


“When you're lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it's time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert


“I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.” 
― Ned Vizzini,


I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.
Audrey Hepburn

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” 
― Barack Obama