November 1, 2011

Depression; a daily struggle

Depression is a lifelong battle and if you don’t have it, you really don’t understand it.  For as long as I can remember I’ve been ‘depressed’.   I am hard on myself, pessimistic, and just generally sad. I know my life could be so much worse but I still can’t shake the feeling of being unhappy.  Of course I WANT to be happy, that’s why I am on antidepressants, but for some reason people think I enjoy being miserable. Really? Oh why yes, I love crying on a daily basis. I love feeling like I have nothing to live for and that my life is meaningless.  STFU. I am sick of people telling me to “be happy, it could be worse”. NO SHIT. I know this, but I can’t help it.  I am not to the point where I am going to commit suicide, I am too scared and would feel too guilty to do something like that however; I do feel like there is no point in me being here sometimes. I just don’t understand what my purpose is in life or how to find it.  All I want is to feel fulfilled in life, love, and work. I want to be happy with the way my life is going and I want to be happy with myself. I want to like myself.  How do I make it happen? I tried talking to my mother but she told me to do what most Women do as a solution to a major problem, fake it. Fake being happy.  I'm sorry but how does that help? It's just not possible for me to be that fake, I don't want to be. I work in customer service so I have to be fake and nice for 40 hours a week to complete D-bags, I really don't want to have to pretend all the time. If that was the case I would have pursued acting. Anyway, I feel like I’ve been struggling with this for so long and nothing has worked I just don’t know where to go from here.  
If you suffer from depression what do you do to cope? What has or has not worked for you?
If you think you may suffer from depression but haven’t seen a doctor yet, check out these symptoms and if you are experiencing any of them contact your PCP, A.S.AP!

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:
·         difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
·         fatigue and decreased energy
·         feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
·         feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
·         insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
·         irritability, restlessness
·         loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
·         overeating or appetite loss
·         persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
·         persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
·         thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

For more info on depression visit

Until next time,