September 20, 2011

Learn to live with it

Endo is evil. It causes so many different problems that you don’t even know its related to your Endo and stresses me out! In august I was having bad left flank pain, which I have been having since December. In December, when I went to the ER they told me that pain was caused by a UTI. I was on antibiotics for 7 days and still had symptoms of this UTI. After visiting the doctor again they put me on more meds for 10 more days. Yeah, that didn’t work either. I was tested again and it was determined I never had a UTI! Frustrating, right? This chain of events is what led me to do the surgery and is how my Endo was confirmed. Anyway, I have been on BCP’s and made diet changes to try to decrease my Endo symptoms which have improved slightly but obviously not 100%. In August I started having a lot of left flank pain again and it was concerning to me, I also had to pee a lot so I wanted to make sure it wasn’t really a UTI. I seriously went to PCP like 3 times and then to a NEW specialist, a Urologist, twice. I was so aggravated because I honestly felt like this was pointless! Every time I have a new pain or symptom no one can tell me why! I ended up having another CAT Scan to determine that there is NOTHING wrong with my insides and my left flank pain is probably Endometriosis related. THANKS, doc. That was helpful. Needless to say, I feel very.. helpless. The specialist said to me, in these exact words “This is just something you’re going to have to live with”.   
I am at my wits end.. I need to try something new, I'm thinking of going more natural and homeopathic… anyone have any advice, anything to try? Let me know!

Until next time,

Summer lovin'

I would say the biggest thing that has happened to me in the 2 months I have been MIA is meeting Lucas.  Who is Lucas? Well, Lucas is the first guy I have dated since Cain and I broke up back in March. As many of you remember, I was with Cain for 6 years and things were hard when we broke up. I thought I was never going to find someone to be with, I was scared, but oh so wrong.  Before Lucas I actually had a date with a guy named Travis. He is the nicest guy, not usually the type I go for but I thought “why not give it a chance?”. Unfortunately I just wasn’t ready at the time to even attempt dating him.. things were very weird and hard for me. Not long after though I stumbled upon Lucas. It felt different, I was ready to try with him.
I live on a dirt road off of a lake in Maine and apparently, Lucas’ family has a camp right on the water-- literally 2 minutes from my house.  My best friend from high school, Stacy, actually introduced us.  Over the past 6 years or so Stacy and I have slightly lost touch. We talked occasionally but so much had changed and we were just not friends anymore. We wanted to start getting back into our friendship and she had started dating a guy who happened to live down the road from me (Lucas’ brother). One thing led to another and I met Lucas! From the minute we met I definitely felt something. We aren’t officially together as of now, just “hanging out” but I think its because its so complicated. Now, I know a lot of people probably are going to judge me when they read this next part but this is what I have to say to judgments—FUCK YOU. J Anyway… Lucas is 6 years younger than I am. Normally, I never in a million years would have gone for a younger guy but Lucas is so different. He’s so mature and ambitious for his age, it makes me want to be better.  He is 3 hours away at college as we speak.   While that makes me incredibly sad to know he’s so far (and for a few more years) but at the same time, I’m happy for him. He is going to go so far in life, he is so smart and wants to do so much. Not only that, he has a great heart. I have been “hanging out” with him for almost 2 months, most of which has been on weekends because of our schedules, but still. I feel like I can really trust him and I feel like he’s a genuine person. Meeting him has made me realize that even though I loved Cain so much, it really was for the best that we broke up. We are so different and want different things and its nice not to be so hurt about that anymore.
In the words of Adele “Sometimes in lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.”
I don’t know where this new “relationship” is going but for now, I'm happy. It’s nice to be carefree and happy again.

Until next time,

Im baaaaaack

 It’s been about 2 months since Ive been on, eek L Sorry about that, friends. A lot has been going on in my life lately and blogging was put on the back burner. I definitely want to try and update more often now that the hectic-ness of summer is over. I will be making many posts updating you on what has happened in these past 2 months. Keep an eye out! ;)