March 10, 2011

It's like death

"When you break up, your whole identity is shattered.... It's like death"

 It's been a while since I've blogged so let me fill you in on why I've been away so long. On March 1st my boyfriend of 6 years, Cain, and I ended our relationship and I moved out. It was/is probably the hardest thing I have ever done.  We have had issues for some time now but deep down we both love each other. Unfortunately, sometimes love just isn't enough. I was a mess and I still kinda am (depends on the day) but I do believe I am starting to do better. Cain and I decided to remain friends, I mean we have been BEST friends for 6 years, I cant just forget that. We have been talking off and on and things are going well as friends.  I am not ruling out that we will ever be together again but I am not hanging on to it either. We both have a lot of our own things to work out and right now I need to focus on my health. 25 days until my laparascopy! I am hoping that I get some answers from this because I wont know what to do, I cant handle feeling the way I do anymore. Its brutal! I had an attack this morning actually, out of nowhere I got intense stomach pain and started to feel faint and dizzy, sweating, the whole 9 yards. Its fucking awful. During my attack I had really intense pain in my kidney area, that is starting to worry me because before December I dont remember having that pain and now it just seems to be getting worse and worse. I'm crossing my fingers and praying to god that I am ok and that my baby maker is fully functional!
Anyway, since I am feeling like poo today I am going to lay down. I am making a promise now to try to blog more! I am going to try to do things to occupy my time so I don't have time to think and dwell.

Until next time,

P.S. I am SUPER STOKED to see Red Riding Hood tomorrow! I will let you know how it goes! ;)